


Double-Booked

by Dumb_Scotticus



Category: Vinesauce (Video Blogging RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives, Conventions, Dialogue Heavy, Eventual Smut, Everyone Is Gay, Hotels, Joel has long hair, M/M, Mutual Pining, Mutually Unrequited, PAX East, Rating to Change, Rev Knows Everything, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension, ambiguously bi!joel, blink and you miss it author cameo, everyone can see it, excessive amounts of mike&rev&joel banter, excessive use of the word 'cardigan', gratuitously accurate depictions of boston because the author is bostonian, ima deserves more rep in vineslash content 2kforever, jen is probably very ooc but ask me if i care, limes potato tilde dorb and fred starring as sir not appearing in this film, out to his friends!vinny, references to past mike/vinny if you squint (which you absolutely should), two bros chillin in a hotel bed one foot apart cuz theyre not gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2019-06-10 04:32:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15283713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dumb_Scotticus/pseuds/Dumb_Scotticus
Summary: Vinny and Joel plan on sharing a hotel room at PAX East! What could possibly go wrong? (A lot, evidently.)He’d met up with Joel at the airport, been struck with the thought that 'Oh no, he’s way more attractive in person,' drove to the hotel with him, and then told by the front desk that actually, they'd be sharing a room with just one bed in it.





	1. Overcooked and Overtired

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: This fic is about fictionalized versions of the public personas of real people. I do not ship the real versions of them, nor do I want them to get together. I make no claim that this represents them accurately or truthfully. I do not know how these real people behave in private, and therefore could not write them as real people. As such, this is about fictional versions of people. Imagine an actor playing themself in a movie. Or like Adam West in all the shit he’s played himself in. This fic is about exaggerated and flanderized versions of people who I know essentially nothing about. I do not care what the real Vinesauce folks do in private, and this fic is, once again, not representative of them or their real lives.  
> That being said, please enjoy, and if you are hate-reading this, please practice healthier life choices and self care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this first chapter is kind of shit and kind of short im sorry??

Vinny’s eyes blink open, and he shoots an arm out to stretch. He jolts in surprise when he feels a warm, slightly matted clump of hair under his hand, and it takes him a second, along with noticing his foot being hooked around an ankle not belonging to him, to remember that he’s not alone in this (admittedly rather large) hotel bed. The bed itself is soft, and pretty damn nice, and there’s more than plenty of room for two people. There would be, anyway, if Vinny wasn’t so intensely paranoid about sharing it with someone. That last part, of course, is mostly a lie. He’d most likely be fine sleeping next to Rev (who would probably steal all the blankets and punch him in the face in his sleep) or Mike (who would probably snuggle up to him and then deny it casually in the morning) or anyone else he could be comedically forced into sharing a bed with. The problem here was that he was sharing a bed with _Joel_.  

Vinny had psyched himself up for sharing a hotel room. He had prepared to probably see Joel at least mostly-naked, to watch him get a little too tipsy and perhaps say something uncouth that Vinny would later have to force himself not to dwell on, to be sure not to revel in the domesticity of sharing take-out with him in their pajamas while watching a stupid movie. Vinny had not, however, prepared himself for sharing a bed with the man. This was because it wasn’t supposed to happen. By some astronomical clusterfuck of unfortunate happenstance, the room that was _supposed_ to be theirs had been double-booked, and now he was sharing a bed with a guy he’d only seen in person for the first time around an hour ago.

He’d met up with Joel at the airport, been struck with the thought that _Oh no, he’s way more attractive in person,_ drove to the hotel with him, and then told by the front desk that actually, they'd be sharing a room with just one bed in it. The hotel had had the decency to give them one of the “luxury” rooms, so the two would be sharing a king-size bed, but it didn’t take away from the fact that Vinny had no time to prepare himself for this, and only slightly more time to process how upsettingly attractive Joel is in real life compared to a blurry phone picture or shaky webcam video.

They resolvedly began to set aside stuff from their bags. A few jackets folded and set on the tops of the counter, miscellaneous toiletries, and some alcohol and sodas into the mini fridge. It didn’t take long to unpack the necessities, and they were plunged into silence again. Joel sat on the side of the bed on his phone until he noticed Vinny pulling a case from his bag and a clicking noise.

“Wanna play something?” Vinny asked, offering a blue rectangular controller.

“God yes,” Joel said, taking the Joycon and repositioning himself to lean against the headboard. Vinny came to sit next to him, with the screen of the Switch resting between the two. They decided on _Overcooked_ , and an hour or so of friendly shouting and cursing passed accompanied by loud button clicks.

Both of them, however, were getting more and more tired as time went on. Vinny had been ready to sleep since he set foot into the room, but getting into bed was making him nervous for whatever stupid reason his brain was insisting on ruining his sleep schedule with. Joel kept interrupting himself with yawns, and eventually, after losing a level for the third time in a row, he tossed the Joycon into Vinny’s lap and threw himself down onto the bed with a grunt.

“‘M too fuckin’ tired for this, man. I gotta go to sleep,” he said.

“You sure you don’t wanna try one more time?” Vinny asked. Although he was exhausted, too, the idea of sharing a bed with Joel upset his stomach for some reason he couldn’t place. He had shared beds with male friends before, and while it was a little awkward at first sometimes, it wasn’t a huge deal. But this was different. His friends knew he was gay, and none of them cared because they were his friends, but he still worried about making someone uncomfortable. Sleeping next to someone who might be attracted to you can be uncomfortable to say the least, and Vinny was more worried than he had ever been about making someone uncomfortable. He wanted to not creep Joel out more than he wanted to sleep.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Joel deadpanned as he watched Vinny start putting pillows on the floor.

“Um,” responded Vinny, caught off guard, “I’m making a bed on the floor.” Joel stared silently with one eye squinted.

“Your back is gonna hurt like shit,” he said simply, and this was argument enough for Vinny, who sighed in quiet defeat and began putting the pillows back on the bed.

“You’re probably right,” Vinny admitted lowly. He crawled into bed, laying above the sheet and as close to the edge as possible without falling. He only allowed himself to get comfortable when he heard Joel’s breathing begin to slow and even out. He was thankful to be so tired if only for how fast he was able to fall asleep without thinking about how small the space between the two of them actually was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont expect this to update for a while, im just uploading a first chapter to guilt myself into writing the second one at all
> 
> tumblr: vinnoel.tumblr.com or maxian.co.vu


	2. Gay Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 2 after a month, have 1k words of vinny and joel panicking about being gay for each other.  
> also i finally have a computer so i can format the text better, hallelujah.

Vinny had fallen asleep quickly. Much faster than he’d expected, in all honesty, but he hadn’t sleep well by any means. Now, though, he’s awake, sitting up under the blanket as he grabs at his phone to check the time, and glancing over at the other man in his bed. Joel’s eyes suddenly snap open, and he only seems to remember where he is when he shifts his view to Vinny sitting next to him, subtly shuffling closer to the edge of the mattress.

“Mornin’,” he croaks as he looks up at Vinny, voice weighed down with sleep. Vinny starts to say something in response, but yawns around the word. He smacks his lips, and starts again.

“Morning. You sleep okay?” He asks.

“Eh, not really,” Joel lies. It was the best he’d slept in weeks—not worrying about all the ways PAX could go wrong, but instead just absolutely dead tired and happy to be in a real bed, even if he had to share it a little awkwardly. He hadn’t expected to share a bed with Vinny the first night they met in person, but it was pleasant in a way he tried not to think about too hard.

“I slept like shit,” Vinny complains, and he slept poorly for the same reason that Joel didn’t. “I was worrying all night about trying to give you enough space,” He says nervously before he realizes he's even speaking aloud. Joel laughs.

“I mean, I probably wouldn’t’ve even noticed. Or, like, cared, even,” he says, sitting up. Vinny starts to dissect what that sentence means while trying not to stare too hard at the way Joel’s hair is mussed over his face and to ignore his urge to lean over and fix it.

Joel rolls out of bed and stretches a bit before rifling through his small suitcase, tossing a t-shirt and some jeans onto the bed. Vinny hastily makes a retreat into the bathroom.  

Stepping into the small room, he instantly regrets not bringing his phone in with him. He had planned on relieving himself and then stalling for a good five minutes so Joel would finished getting dressed before he came out of the bathroom. He figures he’ll just have to wait and trust his internal clock.

After what feels like five minutes, Vinny opens the door and is greeted by a shirtless man tugging some jeans on over a pair of blue boxers. Joel looks up at him with doe eyes for a fraction of a second, and in all honesty the expression is so brief that Vinny isn’t sure if he imagined it or not. He’s pretty sure he didn’t, but the quickness with which Joel goes from flustered to dressing a little quicker while making inane jokes would be enough to throw him off if it weren't for the slight blush on his face. Vinny hopes his own face isn’t too red, though he can feel it heating up despite his best efforts. Unfortunately, Joel has _very_ nice thighs, and the mental image of him with his pants around his shins refuses to leave Vinny’s brain any time soon.

Joel chooses to go into the bathroom then, and Vinny is glad for the alone time after that incident, even if there's only a thin wall separating the two. As Vinny takes the opportunity to quickly get dressed himself, he hears a running tap, muttering, and splashing, and when Joel comes out of the bathroom with a couple water droplets on his cheeks, Vinny is glad that it seems he’s not alone in the slight embarrassment.

Joel opens his mouth to ask just how many cardigans Vinny owns, but is interrupted by his own stomach growling loudly.

“You know,” Vinny says, “I was right about to suggest we grab breakfast somewhere.”

“Oh god, real food sounds fucking amazing right now, the last thing I ate was that McDonalds from last night. Why the hell did we choose to eat that garbage? My first meal in America is fuckin’ shit-tier fast food.”

“That seems fitting for America,” Vinny laughs as he turns around to grab his phone from the counter. Turning back and tucking it safely into his pocket, he looks down at Joel. Joel looks slightly up at him. It’s a completely normal moment.

Or, at least, it _should_ be, but it makes feelings that Joel had previously managed to finally shove down and away bubble back up into his chest. It makes him remember a stupid crush that he had forced away so that it wouldn’t ruin a friendship. It makes him remember that _oh_ _fuck_ , he might still have a crush on this man, and _oh_ _double fuck_ , now he’s actually in the same physical space as him, and _oh fucking triple fuck_ , now there’s an actual chance the feelings could be reciprocated.

And as Joel hastily turns away, quickly managing to say something moderately funny about American fast food culture, Vinny recognizes the panic, and he can’t tell what Joel is nervous about. And that terrifies him, because _shit,_ what if Joel thinks he’s being creepy? _Oh shit,_ what if he’s making him uncomfortable? _Oh fucking shit,_ what if he never talks to him again after this stupid convention? And Vinny starts to panic too, and he’s about to try to diffuse the situation with a response to Joel’s fast food joke, but his phone is ringing and Joel’s halfway out the door and Vinny is fumbling the phone out of the pocket of his jeans.

Vinny looks at the screen, and a picture of Rev greets him. He picks up, and puts the phone to his ear.

“Hey,” he says, and is surprised at how dry his mouth is. “Yeah. Fine... No, we’re just leaving the room... Oh, you did...? No way...! Alright, we’ll meet you there,” Vinny rambles as Joel stares and cocks his head a little, “Alright, later Rev,” he finishes and hangs up.

“What’d Rev want?” Joel asks, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

“He just got here and bumped into Mike in the lobby on his way out for breakfast, Mike decided to tag along, and now we’re also being invited, I guess,” he explains.

“Alright, breakfast with the boys!” Joel enthuses in a deep voice. Vinny laughs, and silently thanks God that whatever that weird tension was seems to have disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to the anon on tumblr who shamed me into updating this. also thanks to my friends for helping me figure out how to get over a writers block. luv you guys, you know who you are <3


	3. Breakfast With the Boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK. sorry this took so long. I had a lot of heavy irl shit to deal with this past month, and i'm also a horrible asshole who procrastinates and plays video games instead of writing. anyway, enjoy this one, i had a lot of trouble writing it for some reason.

The cab ride there is accompanied by light conversation, ending up on vague brainstorming for the Vinesauce panel they have lined up.

“I was thinking we could do a ‘no overused memes’ rule,” says Joel, only half joking.

“Oh, yeah?” Vinny says, “Did you not find random audience members shouting _Grand Dad_ at Too Many Games hilarious?”

“Oh, god, did they?” Joel replies, (as if he hadn’t watched the recording of the panel), “I’m so sorry my fucking memes spread like a goddamn cancer to a panel I wasn’t even _at_.”

“Eh, it’s fine. I guess I’d rather have stale memes that make people happy than fresh ones that don’t,” Says Vinny, with a short, contented huff.

“Well that’s a nice way to look at it,” laughs Joel, glancing at him. Vinny looks away from him on reflex when they make eye contact, and Joel’s furrowed brow is barely noticeable as he continues staring. Vinny can feel his gaze, and his neck starts to bloom with warmth until the other man turns to look out the window.

* * *

 

Even with the heavy city traffic, it doesn't take long before they’re standing in front of a metallic sided diner with a large cutout of a cup of coffee on the roof. Vinny walks in first, holding the door open behind him for Joel, and scans the room until he sees a familiar head of curly hair.

“There they are,” he says, and the pair make their way to a booth occupied by Mike and Rev.

“Hey, Vin! Joel!” Mike calls, and Rev cranes his head over his shoulder to wave at them as they walk over.

“Christ, you’re shorter than you look in pictures, man,” says Rev to Joel, scooting toward the window.

“Oh, fuck off, Rev. At least give me a ‘ _Duh, howdy,_ it’s awesome to finally see you in person _Yoel_ , why don’t I tell you about the time I sucked fifty dicks in ten minutes, _Yoel?_ ’” Joel says, poorly imitating a Texan accent and plopping down next to him.

“Thanks. Seriously, though, it _is_ nice to see you finally,” Rev says, clapping a friendly hand on the other man’s shoulder, “And also, hey, Vinny.”

“Hey, Rev.” Vinny says after a small laugh. “So, how’d you pick this place out?” he asks Rev, sitting down next to Mike.

“Actually,” interjects Mike before Rev can even open his mouth, “ _I_ searched ‘breakfast’ in Google Maps. Rev was just gonna head over to a Dunkin’ Donuts. Plus this place is open 24 hours and super fuckin’ close by, so I figured we should scope it out for when we’re all shitty drunk at a party and want pancakes at 3AM,” Mike explains before taking a sip of coffee.

“Who the fuck said anything about a party?” Rev cuts in.

“What, are we not goin’ to any parties? I figured you internet superstars could put me in a duffel bag and get me into the wild Youtuber parties and we can get stupid mixed drinks pushed on us. Right vin?” Mike says rhetorically, elbowing Vinny.

“Well you’d probably fit in a duffle bag,” snipes Joel with a chuckle.

“Fuck off, we’re like the same height, you dumb bitch– _Ow!”_ Mike’s tirade is cut off from a fist lightly bonking him on the head, courtesy of Rev from across the table.

“The fuck was that for?” Says Mike.

“Be nice,” Rev scolds.

“Be _nice_ _?_ ” Questions Mike incredulously.

“Nah. You just took my joke before I could say it,” states Rev.

Joel notices as Vinny and Mike roll their eyes in near unison at this. He doesn't like the feeling the observation gives him, and he doesn’t like himself for having that feeling.

* * *

The four of them fall into easy conversation, eating companionably once their breakfast arrives, even if when someone says something that makes Joel laugh too hard Vinny stares across the table at the way Joel’s face crumples up when he laughs and how he occasionally has to push his hair back behind his shoulders, and how he envies Rev just a little for getting to share such a small booth seat with him, while at the same time indescribably thankful that he doesn’t have to do that. Meanwhile, Joel pretends not to notice Vinny staring when he laughs, and only feels a little bit like an attention whore when he exaggerates laughter so he’ll look at him again. He also pretends not to notice Rev subtly nudging his side whenever Vinny says anything even vaguely positive about him.

* * *

 

“Soooo, what have you been up to since you got to Boston?” Mike asks in a valley-girl uptalk.

“Not much. Checked into the hotel, got fucked over by the hotel, passed out, woke up, came here,” Vinny recalls.

“‘S really not too interesting,” Joel says around a bite of toast.

“Isn’t it, though?” Rev says, gesturing between the two with the last bite of a breakfast burrito in his hand.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mike laughs.

“Yeah, Rev, _what’s that supposed to mean?”_ Joel repeats threateningly. Rev laughs.

“Oh, come on, don’t act like I don’t know.”

Vinny looks between the two as Joel turns to Rev and makes a face that he guesses is meant to be threatening; his eyes wide, his brows sloped down, and his frown so deep that his chin dimples. Vinny feels his own face twist in bemusement as he watches the scene unfold, Rev’s face growing increasingly smug while still retaining an air of ‘I’m definitely just fucking with you’ mirth.

“I don’t know what you think I’m implying, but I’m talking about the hotel room,” says Rev, who definitely knew what Joel thought he was implying.

Mike and Vinny share a look before Vinny turns back to Rev.

“Yeah, the hotel fucked up. I mean, it’s whatever,” he shrugs with an affectation of nonchalance.

“It must suck dick, though, having to sleep on a cot. Are you guys switchin’ off between nights?” Mike adds, finishing off his coffee as Rev lets out a small huff of amusement at the phrasing.

“Oh, shit, I didn’t even catch that one,” Mike laughs, offering Rev a high five across the table. Rev places his palm gingerly against Mike’s for a second.

“Jesus christ,” sighs Vinny.

The waiter chooses this moment to put the check on the table. Vinny picks it up, then flinches away from a possible paper cut as Mike snatches it from his hands.

“Nope,” he states matter-of-factly.

Vinny looks across from him to see if the other two caught that. They seem to be having their own muted conversation, so Vinny turns his attention back to Mike, who’s already taking money out of his wallet.

“Hey—” Vinny protests.

“Nah, I got it, don’t worry,” insists mike, not bothering to look at him.

“Oh, come on, at least let me pay for the tip, I have some cash in my—” He slips his hand into his pocket to find it empty. “Huh…” He trails off, noticing the absence of his wallet. “Well, fuck.”

“What, are you flaking out now?” Mike says teasingly, “Forgot your wallet... Classic routine, Vin.”

“Fuck off,” Vinny says amusedly, “If anything you’re the one who’s more likely to pull that shit.”

“Perhaps,” Mike says with a smile as he stacks a few bills on top of the small paper check.

Meanwhile, Rev and Joel have an entire conversation with facial expressions, subtle hand gestures, and quiet indignant noises from Joel. Vinny notices, but decides not to press it. Judging by some of the hand movements and Joel’s angry blush, he’s not really sure he wants to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOO..... its heating up fellas... next chapter should be up a lot faster than this one took, and it'll be where the mike/rev starts to kick in... :0  
> also, thank you everyone who left reviews on the previous chapters, it really does mean a lot to me and definitely pushes me to write more. <3 love u guys.
> 
> as always, my tumblr is vinnoel or maxian.co.vu
> 
> ALSO UPDATE!!!!: i have a dreamwidth now where i post my other vineslash content!! (tumblr is rude and im paranoid of people finding my shit so i moved somewhere where its impossible to find unless youre looking for it lol) 
> 
> CHECK IT OUT AT scotticus.dreamwidth.org !!!!!!!!!


	4. Visssssssssssome Dude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey folks! here's chapter 4! sorry the wait was still so long, this one was difficult to split between 4 and 5, so i had to do a lot of thinking, and theres still a lot of irl stuff going on for me.
> 
> this chapter has a lot of mike&rev and joel&rev bantz, which is always super fun to write. i hope i didnt make rev too much of a dick, though hes going to be an even bigger dick later in the story. it turns out joel being made fun of is unfortunately a very useful plot device! and im mad lazy! oops!!!!
> 
> anyway, we're getting to the interesting parts, so hold on to your hats lads!

Soon, the four are standing in front of the convention center.

“I’m actually gonna go over to the room and grab my shit,” Vinny says, splitting off from the group to head for the hotel. “You sure you don’t want me to pay you back, Mike?”

“Nah man, it’s cool. You can just owe me one or somethin’,” replies Mike, waving a hand.

Vinny shrugs and starts to walk away as the other three walk through the large glass doors, passing signs for the con.

The three have barely made it five steps when Joel regrets being alone with Rev.

“So, _Yo-_ el _,”_ pipes Rev, “How’re you doing with the whole ‘alone with your crush for almost a whole weekend’ thing?”

“Woah, _what_ _?”_ Mike blurts in shocked confusion.

“I am _not_ doing this right now, Rev,” Joel says in irritation.

“Alright,” Rev starts, “I’m sorry for bringing up your obvious crush on Vi–” Joel glares at him with a deep frown and wide eyes, glancing meaningfully at Mike. “Uh– ...Vi _sssssssssssome dude_. Who I won’t name,” Rev grimaces, hoping Joel will accept that as a substantial apology. It seems like he does, because he starts walking again with a sigh and an indistinct grumble, and the group heads down a corridor to the left.

“Hold on, Rev, were you just fucking with him for being gay?” Mike says warily, “Not cool, man.” Joel thinks about interjecting with an ‘ _I’m not gay’,_ but drops it with a heavy, exasperated sigh in its place.

“No, I wasn’t making fun of him for liking a dude. I was making fun of him for liking that _specific_ dude,” explains Rev informatively.

“Oh, okay, gotcha. That’s fine then.”

Joel groans loudly. “Can ‘Who does Joel want to bang’ be taken off today’s list of topics, Please?” He says, using air-quotes and an exaggerated voice. “We can talk about Dio, but that’s it,” he adds, trying to inject some humor to displace the slight tension.

“Um. Sorry,” Mike apologizes. He continues to look between the two quizzically in hopes of an explanation, but is ignored. He keeps pace, occasionally nudging at Rev’s arm in a silent request for more information, but gets none.

Joel frowns again. He loves Rev, and he doesn’t mind the jokes _too_ much, but would rather not have Vinny’s best friend know about his 8 year old crush that isn’t even relevant anymore. _I’m over it,_ he thinks to himself. _I was 18 and a dumbass and I liked some dude from the internet. Besides, we’re friends now. It doesn’t matter anyway, he’s definitely attractive enough that he could get any dude he wanted, so why the fuck would he even bother with my dumpy ass? Fuck, wait, no, Vinny isn’t attractive. Okay, fuck, that’s a lie. Fuck. Well, okay, it’s fine to acknowledge someone is attractive. That doesn’t mean–_

“Hello? Joel?” Mike says, waving a hand in front of the man’s face, startling him out of arguing with himself.

“Wuh?” Joel responds, and they’ve somehow made their way up two floors without Joel noticing.

“Do you wanna go sit over there?” He asks, pointing his thumb behind him. There are a few sofas and a coffee table set up in the corner of the hallway, next to a large window. Rev is already halfway there by the time Joel responds.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, let’s go sit down.”

 

“So,” Mike clears his throat after a few moments, “...Is anyone gonna explain to me just what the fuck is going on? Like, are you actually crushing on some dude here at the con? I mean, it’s fine if you are, I don't uh… I don’t mind the occasional _bussy_ myself,” Mike pauses to laugh nervously, “I mean, I instantly regret saying that, But. You get my point.” He coughs.

Joel groans quietly and rakes a hand down his face. Rev blinks a few times, carefully processing whatever the fuck Mike just said while Joel scratches his beard irritably.

“No.” Rev says finally to Mike.

“‘No’ what?”

“No, I’m not explaining anything to you,” Rev clarifies, glancing at Joel for a fraction of a second.

“What the fuck!?” Mike responds.

“Anyway, are you sure it’s not creeping back in on you?” Rev immediately continues without the need for context, turning to face Joel. It’s half to rile him up and half to confuse Mike. Both happen.

“No! I mean, _yes_ , I’m sure that it’s not!” Joel sputters in response, having let his guard down under the false assumption that Rev wouldn’t continue to antagonize him for at least five seconds.

“Whatever you say, man. If you need me to help—”

“—I _don’t._ Because there’s _nothing to help with–”_

“Okay,” Mike intervenes, waving his hands between the two. “This is all very funny and all, but I genuinely can’t tell if you’re fucking with me anymore,” Joel sighs deeply in frustration, somehow managing to force down the blood in his cheeks with sheer willpower alone.

“I’ll maybe tell you later,” Rev says to Mike with a look as Joel rolls his eyes. Mike crinkles his eyebrows together a bit and frowns.

“Maybe, he says. Alright, fuck me, then. Just go ahead and leave me out of the loop until it’s convenient for you,” he rants facetiously.

“Will do,” replies Rev with a thumbs up. “So, anyway, Mike, were there any specific booths you wanted to go to?” He begins, making light conversation as a means to distract him for Joel’s sake. He figures it’s the least he can do after fucking with him so bad. He wishes Joel’s mad faces weren’t so funny. It always made it impossible to not stir the pot at least a little.

 

 _Fuckin’ Rev. What an asshole, I don’t need this shit right now. God fucking damn it,_ Joel thinks to himself as he watches the other two talk about the con. Rev definitely bothered him, but he can’t bring himself to be _too_ mad at the two of them. After all, he probably would’ve laughed if it were someone else in his position. _Wouldn’t’ve fuckin’ instigated it, but if Rev started it I’d probably fuck with ‘em a bit too._

Joel snaps his attention back from monologuing when his phone buzzes on the table, and he quickly checks the notification.

 

 

> **Vinny _:_** do you need anything from the room while im up here?

 

He unlocks his phone, shoots Vinny back a quick _nah,_ and as if on cue, the other two streamers sitting next to him are back to making jokes at his expense.

“Oooh, who ya textin’?” Mike croons, craning his head over. “Is it this secret man-crush I’ve heard so much about over the past however many agonizing, context-less minutes?”

Rev chuckles a bit at Mike's tone. “I dunno, I think–”

“Vinny asked me if I wanted anything from the room. That’s fuckin’ it,” Joel huffs. The corners of Rev’s mouth twitch upward like he wants to say something smarmy, but falters when Joel slaps his phone back down on the table a bit harder than he means to. Rev stops smiling after the loud clack of plastic on thick glass.

“Uh, hey, Mike?” Says Rev.

“What’s up?”

“If I give you a couple bucks will you go grab me a Coke from the snack bar thing?” He says, pulling out a five dollar bill.

“Uh, yeah, sure, man,” Mike says slowly as Rev keeps meaningful eye contact.

Rev watches him walk away before scooting closer to Joel on the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh shit its a cliffhanger babey!!! whats rev gonna say???? (the place theyre all sitting is based on the actual place i sat while waiting to go get in line to meet vinny.)
> 
> anyway, dont worry i promise that chapter 5 will be up in less than a month. its already clocking in at around 1500 words, so it'll be a big update!
> 
> ALSO: its my birthday on the 7th!!! i'm turning 20 whole years old! feel free to send me birthday wishes this wednesday, and obviously presents are appreciated (but certainly not necessary or expected).
> 
> tumblr: vinnoel.tumblr.com or maxian.co.vu  
> dreamwidth: scotticus.dreamwidth.org


	5. Mike and Rev Make Joel Cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys. so remember when last chapter i said id update in less than a month? well what i meant by that was "im going to do two updates in november"
> 
> it is now redefined as "im going to update this within 30 days" so i TECHNICALLY am keeping my promise.
> 
> anyway heres this chapter. its extra long bc i love u guys and definitely not because i couldnt figure out where to split it.

A a few moments of silence pass as Joel subtly tries to shift away from Rev, even though he knows it's too late and he's about to be held captive for a Serious Feelings Chat because of course neither of them are emotionally developed adults. To both of them, this is simply a fact of life. 

Eventually, though, Rev does speak up, prefacing himself with a sigh.

“Hey, I’m really sorry if you’re actually upset with me. I really feel like a fucking dick now,” He admits.

“Yeah, well, you kinda are, man.”

“Yeah,” Rev sighs awkwardly. “I shouldn’t’ve set the precedence to fuck with you about it in front of Mike. God knows he’s not gonna let up if he finds out.”

“Tell him,” Joel says flatly.

“...Huh?” Rev’s head tilts a little as he leans back slightly in surprised confusion.

“I mean, might as well at this point. Just go ahead and tell him I used to be desperately in love with his best friend. Fuck it,” Joel laughs, “Maybe _I_ will.” Rev is suddenly worried that this is the breaking point, this is where Joel snaps, this is where the 'Varg' in his name becomes literal, this is where Rev has to kill him in self-defense. That doesn’t happen, so instead Rev decides to start negotiating exactly what information 'telling him' entails.

“So what the hell do you plan on telling him? ...And _why?”_

“I mean, look,” Joel pauses to sigh heavily. “I know you’re just gonna keep fucking with me–”

“Point taken.”

“–So I might as well get it out of the goddamn way that it really _is_ just you fucking with me, and not an actual thing.”

“Wait, It’s not an actual thing?” Rev squints in genuine confusion.

“What? No, dumbass, it hasn’t been a thing for like,” he pauses to do some mental math, “Six years, man!”

“I… I have a hard time believing that, Yoel.” Rev says with a forced frown and smiling eyes.

“Just because you read Vinesauce fanfictions in your spare time doesn’t make them true.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s ‘fanfiction.’ I don't think you need the extra S in there.”

“Rev, man…” Joel exhales in bemused frustration. “What the shit is wrong with you?” He continues, laughing despite his frustration with his friend. Rev smiles, satisfied with his ability to completely piss off and quickly un-piss off the younger man. Joel looks back at him, instantly recognizing the proud smile from videos and pictures. It’s weird to see it in this context, and especially in person (not to mention in his personal space), but it’s Rev either way. _Good ol’ dumbass fuckin’ nonchalantly smug cowboy bastard Rev ,_ he thinks to himself.

“Seriously, though, as your friend, I have a seriously hard time believing that it’s not an actual thing.”

Before Joel can rebut the smug cowboy bastard who is currently staring him down, a bottle of soda hurtles into the small space between the two.

“They were out of Coke so I got you an orange soda, hope that’s cool. Uh, anyway, _the fuck_ did I just come back to?”

“Uhh. Intense staring contest?” Rev says after a few moments.

“Right,” Mike says, knowing better than to pry. “I’ll chalk that one up to ‘extreme hate-fucking through a shared gaze’ again.”

“Oh, god, _ew_ ,” Joel gags with a comically fake retching noise.

“Anyway,” Mike continues, sitting down, “I’m gonna ask one more time just on the off-chance that the rule of three will apply to real life: Please explain to me what the fuck dude we’re making fun of Joel for apparently liking.”

Rev looks at Joel expectantly. A few awkward moments pass, and just as Mike is about to completely give up on ever getting an explanation, Joel opens his mouth and makes a hesitant, almost pained noise.

“So... Ugh. Okay,” Joel steels himself with a deep breath, and can practically feel the waves of Supportive Friend Energy radiating off of Rev. “Like seven... Or eight–” Rev snorts incredulously, hissing in pain not long after when Joel stomps on his foot, “–years ago I had a… A _crush,”_ he cringes, his face coloring slightly, “on this one dude on the internet.”

“O...kay?” Mike says. “And he’s here at PAX now?”

“Ehhhhh…” Joel grimaces hesitantly, “You… You could definitely say that.”

“Well what the fuck did Rev mean ‘alone with him,’ then? You gonna sneak away from us at some point?”

Joel scrunches his face up, tries to unclench his jaw, clenching it again a second after, and covers his face with his hands, scrubbing at it in regret. He mumbles something, and Mike squints at him, looking back up at Rev, then back to Joel. “I didn’t catch that, man.”

“It’s… Ergh,” Joel trails off, cripplingly mortified and feeling like he might vomit at any second from embarrassment. “Fuck! Fuckin’– Rev, you tell him!” He says loud enough for the other two to hear him. Rev tries his best not to laugh at Joel hunching over, face bright red and hidden in his hands. He instead rolls his eyes fondly. _Fucking dumbass._

“He has– _had_ ,” Rev corrects himself quickly, “a crush on, uh…” He scratches his neck awkwardly. “On Vinny.”

Mike snorts a laugh at first, expecting to get a second, _real_ answer. He doesn’t, and his eyebrows shoot up his forehead. “No. Fucking. Way.” His jaw is wide open, and he’s fighting a losing battle against a scandalized grin. “You’re fucking with me. This is an elaborate prank. Where’s Vin? Wait, no– Are they finally stooping to minor internet celebrities for  _Punk'd?_  Oh I cannot  _wait_ to see Ashton Kutcher pop out from around the corner with Vinny. Did he sneak over when I got you that fuckin’ soda?”

Joel is glad Vinny has good taste in friends, because if Mike had reacted with anything other than his current surprised but understanding humor, he thinks he might’ve smashed through the plate glass window next to them.

Rev smiles to himself when Joel unfolds from his defensive position to shoot a dumb, sheepish smile at Mike.

“Yeah, it’s– it _was_ stupid, I was 18–”

“What?” Mike says quickly.

“Yeah, I know, it was way back then, so–”

“No, I got that part, I mean _‘what’_ as in _you don't anymore?”_

“What? No! No, it was forever ago, man, Rev’s just a dickhead and brings it up all the damn time.”

“...You’re sure this isn’t ongoing. You definitely do not currently have a crush on Vinny.”

Joel stares for a moment at Mike as if he asked a trick question.

“ _N-no?_ ” He squeaks.

“Oh. My. God,” Mike says slowly. “Oh, you do. Oh. Oh you _do._ Ohhh my fucking god, _you do!”_

“No I don't, fuck off!”

“Oh, fuck, oh you _do!”_ He giggles louder, “You so fucking do, oh my _god. Oh._ Fuck, man, oh my god…!”

“Shut the fuck up! Rev, tell him!” Joel says, grabbing at Rev’s arm, who gives him a somewhat apologetic, but mostly ‘ _the fuck you want me to do about it?’_ look.

“You so do! Oh, oh holy shit you got it _bad!_ Oh man, ohhhhh fuck, _so_ many things are making so much more _sense_ now,”

“Fuck off! Shut the fuck off! Up! Fuck!”

Mike devolves into helpless giggling. Suddenly, he gasps in realization. “Wait, _aren’t you guys sharing a bed?_ ”

“Th– The hotel fucked us over! It’s not like I fucking _meant_ for us to get stuck with one fucking bed!”

“At least the bigger beds are usually comfier, right?” Rev says, trying to save Joel at least a little.

“Wh– yeah, I guess?” Joel says a little more calmly, looking at Rev in confusion, “I mean it was pretty comfortable…”

“Oh, shit!” Mike says with another realization, “Did you wake up with morning wood pokin’ into Vin’s back?” Mike asks, renewing his fit of laughter. Rev tries not to smile. Joel, meanwhile, tries to respond, but only angry noises will come out of his mouth. “I can imagine his face, too. Waking up to a nice hot cup of hard dick pressed against his ass again,” Mike wipes tears from his eyes. “Some nice, exotic Scandinavian dick,” he strains in a high pitched laugh.

Joel gives a look of utterly flabbergasted horror.

“What?” He says, once he can speak. He never even considered that as a possibility, and he’s _extremely_ glad that didn’t actually happen.

“What?” Mike parrots with a shit-eating grin. The grin is what pushes Joel over the edge. He changes his mind about not being able to be mad at the two of them. Today is the day Mike and Rev learn that even a worm will turn. Even a puppet of a worm made for a stupid commercial. He quickly surveys their surroundings before responding, affirming that there’s no one around.

“What is _wrong_ with you? I just fucking met you in person for the first time _this morning_ , man!” Joel says loudly with mild distress. Mike and Rev both look entirely caught-off guard.

“Sorry,” Mike says, still chuckling. Joel’s turns up his eyebrows, knitting them together as he sniffles a bit, making his lip quiver. Rev quietly looks concerned. “Fuck, I… didn’t think it’d get to you that bad, I’m actually really sorry,” Mike frowns seriously. It’s silent then, aside from a hissing noise as Rev chooses a terrible time to open his bottle of soda. Joel lets his head fall into his hands again, and makes his best fake crying noises. _Oh, man, I totally fuckin’ got these pieces of shit,_ is all he can think, and he's barely preventing himself from snorting out a laugh right there.

Rev shifts uncomfortably, startled by this sudden turn of events. He knew Joel cries sort of easily, but _this_ easily? He raises his arms, unsure if he should touch him or not. He looks at Mike for help, who shrugs and shakes his head in a panic.

“Hey, Joel, are you alright, man? We were just fucking around,” Rev says softly.

“No, _Colin_ , I’m not fucking alright! I thought you were my _friends_ ,” Joel wails quietly to drive the bit home, “I can't believe I flew out all the way over here for this shit!” He finishes, disguising the laughs he doesn’t manage to stifle as sobs.

“Um,” Mike says quietly, “I’m– I’m like, actually really fucking sorry, Joel, I figured you’d be okay with some fucking around, but if I went too far I–” Joel interrupts him with a loud sob, but it turns into his unmistakable giggles, beginning to echo around his cupped hands. He sits back up casually, looking directly at Mike’s worried face.

“I’m completely fucking with you,” Joel says behind muted laughter.

“Oh, oh my god. Oh, fuck you! Fuck you, man! Fuck!” Mike yells as Joel laughs uncontrollably. Rev sits confused for a moment before punching Joel’s arm. “Aw, fuck, I really thought I had fucked up _bad!_ Jesus Christ, you can’t do that to a guy!” Mike exclaims.

“Fucking hell, Yoel, you really got me with that shit. You fucking called me Colin and I _panicked_.” Rev complains, smiling despite himself, “I mean, you cry so easily that it was believable.”

“I do not,” Joel laughs.

“You cried when people yelled at you on Xbox Live, man.”

“Yeah, when I was like, thirteen maybe,” Joel waves a hand.

"God, we  _really_ need to learn how to be emotionally developed adults some time soon." Rev shakes his head.

Mike is still sitting in apparent shock. “Jesus fuck, I was already mentally prepping myself to deal with a shitstorm later; I’d never hear the fucking end of it from Vin if I _actually_ upset you.”

“Aw, what?" Joel screws up his face a bit. "Come on, he wouldn't go crazy on you over that, you’ve been better friends for longer with him than I have,” Joel shrugs, looking away and continuing to chuckle.

“Well you clearly don’t know him, then. I mean, don’t tell him I told you guys this, but he’ll go to the ends of the goddamn earth defending your ass to me when some cumrag on the internet starts shit-talking you. Just ranting the fuck up and down. It’s so fuckin’ obnoxious– I– I just wanna trip him while he's pacing around wavin’ his arms like I’m not agreeing with him.”

“...Really?” Joel says, his laughter forgotten. He says it far more dreamily than he meant to; Rev picks up on the tone and rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, fuckin’ imagine that,” Mike replies, mistaking Joel’s flattered disbelief for amused belittlement and taking a swig of Rev’s soda.

“Hey, don’t drink my Coke!” He interjects.

“Its orange soda, you fucking hick,” Joel shuts him up without looking at him, eager for Mike to go on.

“I mean he does it for everyone. You too, actually,” Mike motions a hand at the now disgruntled Rev, “But for some reason he just gets way more worked up when it's Joel,” Mike considers making another joke, but decides against going for low-hanging fruit for once. “You know, it actually reminds me of when _someone_ won’t _shut the fuck up_ and let me show off my forced, depressing, self-deprecating humor on stream. _Ahem_ ,” Mike finishes, looking at Rev.

“You’re good at things, Mike,” Rev sighs. “Don’t make me beat the shit out of you over this, because now we’re hanging out in person, and I now have the ability to punch you when you say you’re not good on the drums or streaming or existing as a human in general.”

“... _Noted,”_ Mike remarks quickly.

“And don't drink my fucking Coke.”

“Deal. I will, however, continue to occasionally sip at other beverages, such as orange soda.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Rev says, “It’s all fucking Coke.” Joel watches this interaction from what feels like a few steps back, even though he’s sitting right next to them. “You know what? I wasn’t gonna mention it, but just for that I’m doin’ it, Mike,” threatens Rev. “You said ‘waking up to a dick pressed into his ass _again_ ’.”

“Yeah, so?” Mike snorts.

“So what’s the _again?_ ” Presses Rev.

Mike falters for a moment, nodding his head side to side in deep thought. “Me and Vin have a friendship in which we have bonded as men in ways you could never comprehend, Rev,” He says slowly and enigmatically in a sagely tone.

“I can’t tell if you’re about to, like, expand on that or not, but I’m hoping you don’t,” Joel says, definitely _not_ jealous of what Mike is probably implying.

“Same,” Rev adds, definitely _not_ hoping Mike will expand on it anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woooooooo mike/rev/joel banter wooooooo offscreen vinny for yet another chapter woooooooo
> 
> im super paranoid this is ooc but i also think it would be super funny for joel to do this. also im confident in my mike dialogue at the very least.
> 
> look. rev talks a big game abt making fun of joel but hes a big softie and i love their friendship so much
> 
> uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i dont really have much else to say!
> 
> to be clear, this _is_ a slow burn sooooooo. dont expect any kissing for a while. (even tho ive already written large portions of the eventual smut scenes, as well as the chapter where rev and mike get together. oops.)


	6. Gachimuchi Jokes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year!  
> my new years was shit so i hope you had a better one.
> 
> heres the chapter where the mikerev starts to rev up. pun intended.
> 
> also, for the sake of the lore of this fic, ill point out now that this fictional version of rev is just really _really really_ good friends and roommates with tilde and theyre not romantically involved. i respect the real rev and tilde’s relationship too much to have these fake versions of them break up, and also tilde is a nice lady and i don't want to completely write off her existence just so rev can fuck a man.  
>  i may be a creepy weirdo who writes rpf, but i’m not one of _those_ creepy weirdos who writes rpf.

Vinny makes his way through the lobby of the convention center, stopping twice for pictures with fans, one of whom gushes about being excited for the panel that day, and they scamper off back to their small group of friends before Vinny can tell them that the Vinesauce panel is tomorrow, not today. He shrugs it off, sure they’d find their way there somehow. For all the things the PAX Guardians fall short on, one thing they’re good at is telling you when a panel is scheduled. Vinny takes the stairs, looking down at his phone to text the other three about being back, and asking where they were currently hiding out. His typing is cut short when he bumps into someone coming down the stairs.

“Shit, I’m sorry– Oh,” Vinny says, apologetic look draining quickly from his face and replaced by a neutral half-smile as he looks up at the man who’s chest he’d just plowed his face into. “Hi, Joel.”

“Hey, buddy,” Joel replies through a snorted laugh. “ _I think you've got the wrong staircase,_ ” he follows up in a voice Vinny can’t quite place at first, but instantly recognizes when Joel speaks again. “ _The leather club's two blocks down._ ” Joel looks down at him from the top step expectantly.

“ _Fuck you!_ ” Vinny shouts dully, mimicking Van Darkholme’s voice to the best of his ability.

“ _Oh, fuck you leather man,_ ” Joel keeps the bit going, barely containing laughter. After all, Gachimuchi jokes were never not funny, at least in his humble opinion. “ _Maybe me and you should settle it right here on the stairs if you think you're so tough._ ”

“ _Oh yeah?_ ” Vinny continues, puffing out his chest and trying not to explode with giggles. “ _I'll kick your ass!_ ” He leans a bit closer to Joel in a joking display of intimidation.

“ _Get out of that uh, jabroni outfit_ ,” Joel snorts, finally unable to contain laughter. His posture relaxes, and so does Vinny’s, the two of them leaning back a little to laugh quietly.

“You forgot the ‘leather stuff’ part,” Vinny says in amusement.

“Oh, right,” Joel drags out in his normal cadence, “ _Why don't you get out of that leather stuff? I'll strip down out of this and we can settle it right here_ ,” He amends. “There. You happy now?”

“Yes. Our stairway reenactments of Japanese gay porn have to be perfect. Otherwise, what’s the point?” Vinny asserts.

“God, you’re so right, Vinny,” Joel says, managing to muffle a laugh. “How could I have been so foolish?”

“Okay, okay,” Vinny says, stepping up to the top of the stairs next to Joel, “Seriously, though, where’s Mike and Rev?”

“I actually just left those two to wander around; they’re sitting in some chairs in the corner. Mike said his back hurt or somethin’ and Rev was gonna hang out with him there,” Joel says, leaning back against the handrail of the stairs and inching a little ways away from Vinny.

“Gotcha. You wanna go down to the floor then? Might as well take advantage of the VIP shit,” Vinny suggests with a shrug.

“Oh, yeah! Sure, man,” Joel smiles chipperly, beaming at the other man. Vinny decides the feeling in his chest is agida.

* * *

“Would it be shitty of me to play matchmaker?” Rev says suddenly.

“Huh?” Mike looks up from his phone with confusion.

“Y’know, between Joel and Vinny.”

“What’d’you, ship them or something?” Mike giggles.

“You know, Joel said the same thing.”

“Rev, _you Tweeted that_.”

“Huh. Oh yeah, I did, didn’t I? How do you remember this shit?”

“Because every six months or so I back-read your entire Twitter and Tumblr,” Mike jokes. Because it’s definitely a joke.

“Dedication. But seriously, it not only makes me _mad_ to see him pining away like a fucking…  like a fucking _evergreen forest_ , but it's just _depressing_.”

“I mean, you know him better than I do,” Mike shrugs.

“See, that’s my point. You know Vinny better than I do.”

“ _Ohhh_ , you want my top-secret jabroni intel, I see. What do I get in return?”

“I’ll blow you I guess.”

“Sounds like a deal to me, man!” Mike says loudly in a stupid voice.

“Great. Lay it on me,” Rev nods, leaning forward in his seat.

“Well, me and Vin have, you know,” Mike gestures with his hands, “Talked once or twice about which of our friends we’d fuck. I mean, as two drunk jabronis do.”

“Okay.”

“ _Well_ , we were goin’ down a list of people, and, heh, actually, we got to you actually, and Vin said maybe, but probably not because you’re friends and all and he wouldn’t wanna make things weird,” Mike laughs in an vague affectation of Vinny’s voice. “Makes sense. For most people, he made decisions real fast. But then I said Joel, like as a joke? And I was expecting, you know, Vin to laugh and be like ‘oh fuck off Mike,’ but he took…” Mike trails off, considering his words. “...Kind of a while to answer. And– And it threw me off a bit, because he looked like, really serious as he was thinkin’ about it. So of course I fuckin’ tortured him over _that_ little moment of deliberation, and, well, the guy’s been my best friend for a pretty good amount of time, y’know? I can tell when he doesn’t wanna talk about something or if something I’m saying isn’t a joke anymore…” Mike trails off.

“Oh,” Says Rev. “So what you’re saying here,” He says deliberately, “Is that Vinny probably wouldn’t fuck me.”

“No, probably not,” Mike laughs. He’s glad Rev is good at diffusing any sort of weird tension.

“Well, what did _you_ say?”

“What, to fucking Joel? I said no, obviously. Not my type at all, man,” Mike says, eager to regain their previous light tone.

“No, no, not to fucking Joel, to fucking me,” Rev clarifies, completely unfazed.

“Oh, well, you know, I said…” Mike glances around for a moment, before punctuating his sentence with “Uhh.” He can’t tell why Rev is smiling the way he is. “Well, okay, why don’t we take a closer look _not_ at what I said,” Mike struggles, desperate to change the topic before Rev can ask him to elaborate on his answer. “You want me to lay down some fuckin’ hot takes or somethin’? I didn’t have my usual stupid slut juice this morning so they’ll be extra spicy.”

“Oh, I’m always ready for your dumb bitch hypercritical takes,” Rev says. Mike pauses for a moment, trying to think of something to say that would be in any way insightful. “As the resident Pizzapasta expert, how about telling me about why you think Vinny hasn’t noticed Joel’s giant fucking crush on him,” Rev supplies.

“...Well, okay,” starts Mike, “Okay, when us two first met at TMG, and Vin introduced me to you– imagine that was cool. Imagine like I’m not a huge piece of shit and that you didn’t come face to face with walking garbage, but instead a really cool dude,” He starts facetiously.

“...Sure,” says Rev.

“Now– Thank you for not interrupting me to rail against my Impostor Syndrome– now, like, imagine you'd known me for eight-ish years and we formed a pretty close friendship, and I basically got you into your current life and where you are today and shit.”

“Okay.”

“Now imagine you’re secretly i–in love with me,” Mike says, unsure of why he stuttered or why he can feel his throat drying up.

“Okay, that’s not too hard to imagine,” Rev says, and Mike can’t tell if Rev lowered his eyelids just a tad or if he’s imagining things and when did it get so _hot_ in this corridor?

“I–I know, that last part at least, should be, uh, easy to imagine, I mean, all things considered,” Mike adds with a laugh, still confused as to why it sounds nervous leaving his throat.

“So, anyway, like you were saying…?” Prompts Rev.

Mike clears his throat. “Right. So. I.” Mike frowns widely, knitting his brows together. “You know what? My example was stupid.”

“No, go on, I wanna hear your insight on the inner thoughts of Vinny. You’ve known him longer than me, after all,” Rev says. He rests his chin on his palm, elbow on the table, gazing directly into Mike’s eyes.

Mike glances around the room in response to the stare-down, confused and slightly alarmed. There’s not much to look at.

“Um, I don’t think that's such a great idea, on, uh, on second thought.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, y’know…” Mike flounders and trails off. Rev cocks an eyebrow. “The uh– I… I don’t wanna misrepresent anything, is all.” He hurriedly says.

“Aw, come on, man, I want your dumb bitch take on this!” Rev protests, sitting up straight, and Mike is definitely not getting out of this one any time soon.

“...Fine,” Sighs Mike. “So. Okay. If you were secretly in love with me, you would probably wanna avoid physical contact, right?” Reasons Mike, aware of a rising heat in his face.

“Well, I don't know about that.”

“Do you want my fucking dumb bitch take or not, Rev?”

“Sorry, go on.”

“Thank you,” says Mike, and maybe he can still turn this around in his favor. “Basically, If I know Vin, he’s probably noticed that Joel is avoiding physical contact, and has equated that to him being super uncomfortable with his imaginary gay aura and hating him, so now Vin is _also_ trying to avoid physical contact so he doesn’t make Joel uncomfortable.” Mike watches as Rev nods in consideration. “So basically, he’s too busy worrying that Joel hates him to notice that the guy actually just wants to suck his cock,” Mike summarizes.

“Wow. That actually went somewhere,” says Rev in a low, mildly impressed tone.

“What do you mean ‘actually went somewhere’? It was always going somewhere!” Mike lies.

“Sure, man. I guess it’s hard to put myself in the shoes of someone who's not as well-versed in displays of dominance,” Rev says in a way Mike inwardly pegs as ‘theatrical.’

“What?” Mike questions as Rev stands up, starting to circle behind him.

“Power moves,” Rev whispers in a low, almost sultry voice, somehow suddenly much too close to Mike’s ear. Mike feels the hot breath on the side of his face and goes still. “Alright,” Rev says, now standing a socially acceptable distance from Mike. His tone is even and agreeable. “Do you want to go check out the showfloor? We can catch up with Joel and Vinny if you want.”

“Y-Yeah, man. Sure thing,” Mike replies weakly, and wonders if the past few minutes were some sort of strange hallucination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _(NOTE: "agida" is italian-american slang for heartburn or an otherwise irritating feeling in the chest/throat. has vinny ever used this word? not that i know of. would he? possibly. would he in the Vineslash Cinematic Universe? absolutely. is it self indulgent because i'm very italian and i myself use that word? most definitely. its my ~~sleepover~~ fanfiction and i get to choose the ~~movie~~ phrasing.)_
> 
> well, heres to another year of degeneracy. and by that i mean vineslash.  
> my new years resolution is to prevent rev and vinny from finding and murdering me for writing this.
> 
> also, if you dont know what the weird shit vinny and joel are quoting at the beginning of this chapter, you need to brush up on your ~~vinesauce lore~~ memes. google "gachimuchi van darkholme" if you're so inclined. i think theres a know your meme article. also the meme is about gay porn actors so be warned that the results of said google search will be nsfw.


	7. A Wild Imakuni Appears!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry this chapter took like a month and a half to get up! i've been so uninspired for vineslash recently, i think my 'tisms brain is making me hyperfocus on yakuza instead of vinesauce now. sorry about that! but i DO intend to finish this fic one way or another. i have too much written for the end parts of the fic to not write the stuff in between so i can use 'em.

The exhibit floor is practically empty when Vinny and Joel get there, or, at least compared to how crowded it’s bound to become once regular attendees are allowed in. A few minutes ago, Joel had gone off in search of a bathroom, and that left Vinny wandering around the room, not really thinking about much of anything. 

“Oh, hey! Vinny! Vin!” Vinny recognizes the voice from a little ways in front of him. He squints and shifts a bit to look through the sea of people, and soon enough a blond woman is coming up to greet him.

“Hey, Risa!” Vinny smiles. Marisa moves to hug him, but notices they’re in the way of traffic. The two slip out of the crowd, standing near one of the walls behind booths. Once they’re clear of being trampled by sweaty nerds in video game t-shirts, Vinny moves to greet her properly with a hug. She returns the hug, smiles up at him, and laughs. 

“Y’know, your hugs are getting better, Vin. Are you taking lessons from Mike? I hear from Twitter that he’s pretty good at it.”

“Yeah, maybe. You know, he  _ is  _ a hugger,” he chuckles.

“What, really? I was just fucking around, I didn’t think he was hugging people outside of fans.”

“The more you know,” Vinny says sarcastically.

“So what’ve you been doing? It’s only day one, after all!” She says excitedly.

“Not much to be honest. Me, Joel, Mike, and Rev went out for breakfast this morning. That was pretty cool,” Vinny recalls, trying not to wonder what Rev and Joel were arguing about in the diner.

“Oh, man, that’s right! Joel’s here! Damn, I can’t wait to have all of us together. Nine year buddies!”

“It’s… honestly really cool to actually get to hang out with him,” Vinny says earnestly, his smile turning soft. He coughs loudly before his tone can get too sappy. “I mean, he’s a funny guy, but he's hilarious in person,” he adds, silently congratulating himself on a smooth recovery. Marisa quirks an eyebrow.

“You good?” She says with only slight suspicion, “You better not be getting PAX Pox on  _ Thursday _ .”

“Uh, yeah. Just had a– a tickle in my throat,” He says, wiggling his fingers next to his neck.

“Oh, speaking of our favorite Swedish metalhead, aren’t you guys sharing a room?” 

And there it is. 

Vinny sighs. He’s about to answer her question as basically and as vaguely as possible, but barely gets to open his mouth before Marisa clutches his shoulder and points in another direction. “Oh, shit, Vin. Look at that game they’re showing over there, It looks just like the ball bonus stages in Sonic!  _ They’re playing as a pelican _ _!_ ” Marisa whisper-yells excitedly, starting to bound away.

“Wh– Marisa! Wait! Don’t you wanna say hi to the others?” Vinny calls after her, and she turns around to wave before responding.

“It’s okay! I’ll catch up with you later at the panel or something, tell everyone I’ll see them in a bit!”

“But the panel’s not until–” Vinny cuts himself off with a sigh when it’s clear she won’t hear him over the din of the room.

He watches as she begins to scurry through the crowd of people, smiling fondly at her.  _ Well _ ,  _ at least I don't have to explain anything now,  _ he thinks, stuffing his hands in his pockets and watching the back of Marisa’s head disappear into the crowd. He nods his head in a vague gesture to himself. After a moment, he feels his pocket vibrate, and pulls his phone out, checking the text he’s received. Rev and Mike have apparently found Joel looking for him, and decided to cut out the middle man. Vinny is glad that at least one of them is, at the moment, capable of basic self-preservation. He shoots off a message to Rev about Marisa being here, then a second asking where they all are, and heads in that direction once he gets the reply.

* * *

“So, Joel, I won’t beat around the bush, so to speak: Have you seen Vin’s cock yet?” Mike says out of nowhere. Joel chokes on his own spit, coughing loudly as Mike giggles to himself. “Pun intended, by the way,” he adds over the sound of hacking.

“Okay, I’m putting a stop to that there,” says Rev, only half-trying to hold back laughter as he claps Joel on the back a few times, “It was funny when I did it; That’s just cruel, man.”

“Whaaaat!” Mike exclaims innocently, hands raised. ”Come on, this is all in good fun, right, Joel?” Mike grins with a cheeky giggle. “It’s like last time, only now I know for sure that I’m not hurting your feelings!”

“Mike, you can’t just ask someone if they’ve seen Vinny’s cock, regardless of whether or not it will make them cry,” Rev reasons.

“Well,” Mike continues, unimpeded by Rev, “I mean, I’ve seen it, and let me tell you, it’s not much to look at. You’re lucky Vin’s one-hundred percent a bo–”

“I’m a what, now?” Mike’s eyes open a bit wider as a hand is placed lightly on his shoulder.

“Oh. Hey Vin,” Mike says sheepishly, “I thought you were over there with 'Risa,” He squeaks, chuckling nervously. The nervous smile twists into a devilish one before he starts to speak again. “I was just tellin’ the boys here a story about one of the times we fucked.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ…” Vinny says, dragging a hand down over his face. “Yep, that definitely happened. That’s definitely something you would say to Rev and Joel for no reason.”

“Aw, come on, man! ‘ _ Yes, and _ ’ me! First fuckin’ rule of improv!”

“I’m not yes, and-ing that, you cock.”

“Well, I mean, speakin’ of cock…” Mike trails off comically in a throaty, stupid voice.

“You know what? Fine. Tell the story, Mike,” Vinny says, crossing his arms.

“I’m not sure if I’m looking forward to hearing this story or not,” says Rev. “Is this you finally elaborating on the thing you said earlier?”

“What thing?” Vinny asks cautiously, and is ignored.

Joel looks between the other three men, unsure of what to say and hoping that remaining silent will spare him from anyone trying to get his input on the subject.

“Um,” Mike falters. He glances at Vinny, who looks ready to break Mike’s kneecaps with any replica weapon he can grab off a nearby cosplayer. “I don’t. I don’t actually have a good story. About that,” he trails off, and Joel can’t help but snort a laugh behind him. “Oh, you think it’s funny? Do I amuse you?” Mike begins to go into a fake rage as Joel laughs a bit harder from the way Mike’s voice shifts. “I’ll tell you what’s not funny: What’s  _ not _ funny is when you’re expecting a quick brojob, and instead you just keep getting fuckin’ sneezed on because your best friend wanted to try and snort marinara sauce an hour before!” Mike shouts to make the joke land better, but soon realizes shouting about brojobs in a convention hall wasn’t one of his best ideas as people turn to look at the four of them.

“So, um. Yeah. I, uh. I saw Marisa in here while I was coming to find you guys,” Vinny tries after a few awkward moments of stifled laughs and nervous grins at passersby.

“Oh. cool,” Says Rev, trying not to smile.

“That’s– That’s awesome, man, can't wait to see her,” Joel says around bursts of laughter.

“Mhm,” adds Mike dryly.

They mull around a bit more in silence as Vinny prays he’ll pick her out in the crowd to come save him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. yeah this chapter isnt great but uh. its A Chapter! please be patient with me this fic is not going to update monthly anymore, its probably going to be like, "whenever i have the next 1000 words written"-ly. i also havent written ANY of the next chapter at all, so dont expect it any time soon. thanks i love you all for putting up with me <3
> 
>  
> 
> UPDATE: fiemaitro did FUCKING AMAZING [fanart for this chapter omg!!! im so excited and its so lovely, go look at it here!!! ](https://fiemaitr0.tumblr.com/post/182864526244/vinnoel-i-tried-based-off-dumbscotticus-fic)


	8. Dio in a Sailor Uniform

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit, I'm updating this??? im just as surprised as you are.
> 
> yakuza has fucking taken over my life, but last night i got sudden inspiration to write this chapter in one night. last night. i hope the characterization still holds up, i honestly havent watched any streams since like last year OTL

After the weird awkward gel dissolves from the small area the group encompasses, the four of them continue to mull around somewhat aimlessly, alternating between picking up bootleg garbage and bad fanart being sold at booths and pointing out genuinely cool items for sale.

“Oh, holy shit,” Joel says as he hurriedly puts back a lumpy Overwatch figure, glancing at something behind Mike. He shoves him aside, Mike cursing at him when he almost trips into Rev, and Vinny snorts at the three idiots in front of him. Joel turns around, cradling a box. “Look how fucking  _ great  _ this is!” He shrieks gleefully around snorts of laughter. “Look! Oh man, this is  _ fucking awesome _ .”

“Oh, cool,” Vinny says, face contorted to push down giggles as he looks at the burly men in skirts on the front of the box, eyes sweeping over Japanese characters he doesn’t even try to recognize. “Is that from Pokemon?”

“Ha ha, asshole. It’s Dio in a fucking school girl outfit and you’re making Pokemon jokes?” 

“Nah,” Rev interjects, “Obviously it’s a JoJo. Cross-dressing JoJo. For whatever reason.”

“I just said it’s  _ Dio,  _ you uncultured dickhole,” huffs Joel.

“Aw, damn,” Mike brings a hand to his mouth as he laughs. “That’s some top tier detail on that bad boy!”

“It moves!” Joel adds, pointing to an illustration on the side that shows the figure in several poses.

“How much is your school girl husbando?” Mike asks in a high pitched voice through laughter.

Joel turns the box over, looking at the price tag stuck to the bottom, and hisses through his teeth sharply.

“Yikes dollars and uh-oh cents, huh?” 

“Yeah,” Joel sighs. “I don’t think I can justify spending that much on a figurine right now,” He admits. “And especially a joke one.”

“How much is it?” Vinny mumbles, taking the box out of Joel’s hands. Mike was right when he summed it up as Yikes dollars. His eyebrows shoot up for a moment, but he forces them back down. “That’s not  _ that  _ bad,” Vinny lies, pausing for a moment as Joel raises an eyebrow sarcastically. “Hang on a sec,” he turns away, and before he can take another step toward the register, Joel is grabbing his shirt sleeve. 

“No no no no,” He rushes, “Vinny, you are  _ not  _ buying me a fucking ludicrously expensive anime crossdresser toy.”

“Aw, come on, let me be a good friend,” Vinny says back with his best charming smile, still laughing at the figure, and it almost works, but Joel cartoonishly shakes his head both to say no and to shake the thought of letting Vinny buy it for him. 

“I can’t let you do that man. As much as I appreciate the sentiment, You’ve already done  _ way  _ too much for me to justify this, too,” he laughs, but his tone is genuine underneath.

“Oh, come on, I’ve barely done anything,” Vinny starts, but Joel makes a stern face, and he relents. “Fine, I won’t buy you this super great thing that you really want.” Vinny sighs, putting the box back down on the table.

“Look, man, if it were less I’d be fuckin’ pumped to get a gift, but I can’t let you spend that much money on me.”

“Yeah, Vin,” Mike pipes, “You can’t just buy your way into someone’s–”

“– _ Heart _ ,” Rev interrupts sternly. Joel laughs at the unamused stare Vinny shoots at Mike.

Joel is the first to keep walking, and Vinny notices that Mike doesn’t start walking with him and Joel until Rev has finished taking a picture of the box. He doesn’t say anything when Rev ducks out to go check out a panel on concept art and Mike follows along. Vinny, despite his affinity for giving Mike shit, knows when he’s in danger of being given even more shit in return.

 

Joel and Vinny continue meandering around, stopping every so often to say hi to other creators. It’s easy, and Vinny wishes the whole con could just be this friendly, easy, no bullshit air of two dudes hanging out, and he hates his brain for pointing out that there’s no way that's even a remote possibility.

“Hey, uh, Vinny,” He hears from behind him, and he turns, expecting a fan asking for a photo. Instead, a PAX Guardian is looking at him and Joel in confusion. “Sorry to bother you two– Hi Joel, awesome to see you IRL– Um, the guys doing setup for the Vinesauce panel today are wondering how soon you guys’ll be down there. Rev, too. Also, it’s really cool to meet you. I uh, shook your hand last year, you probably don't remember, that's fine, I uh, yeah. I’m really excited they let me manage the stuff for your panel,” The guardian laughs nervously. 

“Well, hey, man, thanks for your support!” Joel says, at the same time Vinny blurts:

“The Vinesauce panel is tomorrow, is there something we need to go do before then?”

“Huh? Uh, no, sorry, the Vinesauce panel is  _ today _ ,” he explains. “The Rooster Teeth guys had a delay on their flight, so they switched your panel spot with theirs. I think it’s unfair, by the way; just because you’re a smaller creator doesn't mean they should be able to do that–”

“It’s  _ today _ ?” Vinny interrupts. “What time? Shit, how soon is it? Joel, did you know this?”

“Yeah, no, I didn’t get any notice for this, either.”

“Oh, shit,” the guardian frowns in serious concern. “I’m  _ so _ sorry you guys, I was told they’d emailed you about it. Apparently Jen and Imakuni replied, so I assumed everyone else knew too. I’m really,  _ really _ fucking sorry.”

“Oh, man, no, don’t be sorry,” Joel assures him, “Thanks for telling us. Whole panel would’ve been fucked without you.” Joel switches to a stage whisper for his next sentence, making sure Vinny can still hear him as he addresses the guardian from behind a cupped hand. “Just between you and me, It takes Vinny like at least an hour to do his makeup before a panel— and you  _ know _ how much of a diva that guy can be— so the whole thing would’ve just been delayed to shit without you.”

Vinny stands by and lets Joel make jokes at his expense while he pulls out his phone.

“Hey, Mike, yeah. No– No I don't want an ice cream, thanks, no, listen, the panel got bumped to  _ today _ and–  _ oh for fucks sake _ … Will you put Rev on the phone?”

Joel chuckles to himself, then turns back to the guardian. He thanks him again, assuring him they’ll be down to the panel as soon as possible and they’ll be sure to see him later.

“Hey, Rev? The panel got pushed to today. Soon. Meet us there. Bye.” Vinny hangs up the phone and turns back to the guardian. “Shit, yeah, uh, thank you for telling us. Like Joel said, we’ll see you later. Remind me to give you an extra pin or something as thanks,” he laughs, waving to the guardian as he walks away.

“Well, fuck,” Says Joel. “What room is the panel in?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter is fortunately one i already have written, so i just need to clean it up a bit. expect that within another 30 days? maybe? dont hold me to that. yakuza kiwami 2 comes out on may 9th so if i dont get it up before then, theres gonna be a very significant delay. sorry!
> 
> as always,   
> tumblr: vinnoel or maxian.co.vu  
> dreamwidth: scotticus


	9. Winny Winesauce

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this chapter during a blackout last winter.
> 
> yeah. that sorta illustrates my process for writing fic. or i guess my lack of process. 
> 
> enjoy this i guess. its old so its... not as good as my current stuff. soz.

Vinny leads the way through the halls as Joel glances around at signs and the map included in the PAX East phone app in an attempt to memorize his way around. He gives up and follows close behind Vinny into the Condor room. They spot Jen and Marisa already at the long table set up for the panel, sitting next to each other in a line of rolling chairs. 

“Hey, guys,” Vinny says, sitting in the chair next to Marisa. Joel greets them both as well, and begins to sit down next to him. Marisa stands up before he can, and soon she's hugging him as Vinny laughs at the face the caught off guard man makes. 

“It’s so great to see you! God, if feels like forever since those dumb voice chats we did on stream…” She says wistfully as Joel brings up his arms to return the hug. “I don’t think I can forget the one where you hit on my mom if I  _ tried _ ,” she laughs, letting go of him. 

“Fuck, I don’t think I could  _ remember _ it if I tried,” says Joel.

“Yeah, you were pretty hammered for that one. What were you, 18?”

“Ha ha, okay, you can stop now…” Joel mumbles, trying to sit back down and steer the conversation away as he begins to remember bits and pieces of his embarrassing past self. 

“No, no,” Says Vinny with a grin, laughing between words, “I haven’t heard  _ this _ story, Marisa.”

“Oh, jeez, really? It’s a classic!” She says.

“You could certainly call it that,” Jen chimes in.

“Okay,” Marisa starts, commanding attention from the other two, as Joel tries to look at anything that physically can't make fun of him. “Awh, Joel, don’t make a face like that! I can’t make fun of you when you look so  _ sad!” _

“Well what the fuck!” Joel shouts in betrayed embarrassment. 

“Tell it anyway!” Jen pushes, eliciting a glare from Joel, which in turn makes Vinny laugh, which makes Joel glare at  _ him,  _ and ultimately culminates in Jen laughing uproariously, Joel making high-pitched angry noises, Vinny raising his hands defensively as he laughs through a shit-eating-grin and shakes his head, all while Marisa tries to get everyone to shut up so she can tell the rest of the story. 

Eventually, things calm down enough for Marisa to say ‘alright,’ a few times and reclaim attention, and she makes an announcement with the air of an untrustworthy politician. “I  _ won’t  _ tell the story,” —Joel sighs in relief— “...But I  _ will  _ summarize it. Joel groans. “And I will do so in 10 words or less,” finishes Marisa. “Does that sound fair?” She says, nodding at him. 

Joel makes a face as he considers this. Ten words couldn’t be  _ too _ terrible, right? He  _ really  _ doesn’t want to be  _ that guy _ with a stick up his ass who won’t laugh at himself.

“...Fine, whatever,” He grumbles after a moment.

“Alright,” celebrates Vinny. Jen offers him a high-five, and he stretches behind the other two to oblige.

“Ok, here goes:” Marisa pauses to clear her throat,” “Drunk-Joel hit on Donnakuni; Said he’d let Vinny fuck him,” She says with a flourish, counting on her fingers.

Jen and Marisa laugh. Vinny chokes, coughs, and is barely able to disguise it as a fit of laughter.

“That was eleven words!” Protests Joel.

“I was counting ‘Drunk’ and ‘Joel’ as a compound-word,” she clarifies.

“Whatever! I did  _ not  _ say that second part, I think I’d remember that.”

“I only had ten words! I had to simplify it a bit. The real quote wasn’t much better, would you prefer I went with that?”

“N-no!”

“Y-yes!” Jen interrupts in her best impression of him, “If I wasn’t so fucking straight, I’d let ‘Winny’  _ do things _ to me; Did you know I have a giant cock? I can't pronounce V’s!”

“Aww, come on, Jen, I said I wouldn’t!” Chides Marisa through giggles.

“You never said  _ I  _ wouldn’t,” she points out.

Joel frowns and fakes a chuckle at that, and he can feel his cheeks burning bright red. Vinny snaps out of the stupor of his brain overheating when he catches sight of the face the other man is making. Vinny practically feels his heart break in slow motion at the kicked-puppy expression plastered on Joel’s face. 

“Alright,” Vinny says in a slightly authoritative tone, “That’s enough degrade-the-Joel for today. Pick another game, guys.”

“Yeah, yeah, alright, Vin,” Jen says with a sarcastic salute and a small apologetic smile to Joel.

“Aww, sorry, Joel, we didn’t mean anything by it,” Marisa says genuinely.

Joel scrubs his eyes. Vinny panics, worried that he’s crying, not realizing its merely a vain attempt to detract from the heat in his face. When Joel opens his eyes again Vinny is staring at him intently. Both men turn away after a moment when they hear Marisa talking.

“Well, anyway… How’s Boston treating you guys?” she asks. 

Joel shrugs with a frown. He catches Vinny’s eye again for a moment as he turns toward her to answer. “I haven’t really been anywhere other than the airport, this building, and one diner, so I can’t really say, but so far it’s been cool,” He says unenthusiastically.

“Speaking of Boston ‘treating’ you, are you guys like, actually sharing a room? Or was it just japes?” Jen asks as soon as Joel finishes his sentence, leaning around Marisa to look at the two men.

“Damn, I didn’t even realize it could’ve been japes when you said it!” Exclaims Marisa, “It wasn’t japes, was it?” She asks, turning to Vinny. He makes a hesitant noise and cocks his head a bit.

“No, it wasn’t japes…” He starts, “...I mean, things got… sorta complicated, like with the hotel booking and shit…” He trails off.

“What? What does  _ that _ mean?” Jen laughs. Vinny starts to reply, but Joel is talking before he can manage to say anything.

“The hotel fucked our reservation, so now instead of two normal beds we have one fucking huge one,” He says quickly in a tone that Vinny can’t pinpoint an exact emotion to, but can tell it isn’t a positive one.

“A likely story,” Marisa says as Vinny turns toward her and frowns meaningfully. She suppresses a laugh in response to him, and soon Rev and Alex are coming through the door with Mike trailing behind them.

“Hey guys!” Cries Jen, eliciting a wave from Rev and Mike and a surprised  _ Hi! _ from Alex.

“GPM! What’s up, man? You gonna be on the panel or somethin’?” Joel asks.

“Oh, no,” Alex replies hurriedly, “Me and Mike just got Rev to sneak us in for fancy front seats.”

“We didn’t do any sneaking,” Rev clarifies, “We walked up to the door, a guardian asked if I was Vinny Vinesauce, I said ‘no, I’m Revscarecrow,’—” He illustrates this by pointing at the circular pin of the gas mask clad Vineshroom on his lanyard, “—And she let these two in because I said it was cool.” By the time Rev has finished talking, he’s found his way to the chair between Joel and the one with four plushies (a seal, a dragon, a potato, and a boar) on it. As Alex and Mike loiter near the front table, chatting with the others, Joel stares out the crack of the door at the small group of people getting in line early. 

“Is… is that  _ Reg? _ ” He says, pointing to a man sitting on the vent next to a large window. 

“You mean, like, Lanky Kong Acupuncture Reg?” Asks Alex, standing next to him to look.

“Uhhh…” Vinny squints out the crack in the door as well, and eventually does spot the man, as well as a few other chat regulars and streamers. “Yep, that's Mr. Reguality himself.”

“I hope he brought me some cool souvenir from whatever fuckin’ planet he’s from,” Joel says, and Vinny elbows him with a quick laugh. Joel sits up a bit straighter, and Rev shoots him a look that he can’t quite read.

Soon, the same PAX guardian from the showroom does an awkward half-jog over to the table to check in with the five of them and give a ten minute warning. Vinny, as promised, gives him an extra Vineshroom pin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes the stream referenced in this chapter is real. yes joel really said he'd let vinny "do things to him." yes he said that right after hitting on donnakuni. its real actual truth, not just Vineslash Cinematic Universe canon, that joel said he would let vinny fuck him. do with that information what you will; im not a cop.
> 
> tumblr: vinnoel or maxian.co.vu  
> dreamwidth: scotticus


	10. Cardigan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi updating early because i got an anon on tumblr who is reportedly also an autistic lesbian and wants to see this update  
> so i quickly edited it this morning to post
> 
> also by this morning i mean 3:30 pm because im a NEET with no sense of time

“Alright, well,” Vinny starts the panel, “Thanks everyone for coming, and welcome to the first PAX East Vinesauce panel!” The audience claps as Vinny lowers his mic, and he pretends to look around in confusion. “Y’know, it feels like we’re missing something, though,” he says into the mic again.

“Yeah, I feel like we’re forgetting something special, Vin,” Marisa chimes in.

“Hold on, I think I know what it is,” he stands up, still putting on a face of mock concern. “Let me just check backstage for a second…” Vinny walks offstage, darting behind the curtain for a moment. 

He pokes his head around to look at Joel waiting backstage. He’s smiling nervously. 

“Gee, I sure wonder what Vinny has behind the curtain,” The two hear from Jen.

“C’mon,” Vinny whispers excitedly, taking his hand to lead him out on stage. When Joel comes out from behind the curtain after Vinny, the audience goes wild, cheering and clapping with shouts of various bastardizations of his name. He waves to the crowd of cheering Vinesauce fans with his free hand. Vinny suddenly seems to realize there's no reason to still be holding onto Joel’s other hand, so he lets go, and Joel makes a face and sticks his pinky and forefinger up in a devil horns symbol. The two of them go back to their seats, and Vinny waits for the noise to die down before talking into the mic again.

“So, Joel, how’s your first time being on a panel?”

“Dunno, I gotta sit next to some jabroni, so it’s off to a pretty bad start, I gotta tell ya.” Laughter echoes through the room, and Vinny smiles in a way that makes Joel’s stomach flip. 

“Well, Joel’s kicked off the team, everyone say ‘bye Joel’.”

“You can’t kick me off of Vinesauce!”

“I think I can, considering I  _ am  _ Vinesauce,” Vinny retorts, “Get off of me,” and he already regrets his phrasing when he has to purposely avoid Mike’s pointed eyebrow waggling from the front row.

“O- _ oh _ ,” Joel says in a low, gravelly voice, leaning into the mic. 

“Enough, you degenerates,” Marisa laughs, and Vinny takes the reins back on topic.

“Alright, alright, so basically this is just a big Q and A, and we might get off on some tangents here and there, you know, in typical Vinesauce fashion, so we’re just gonna sort of roll with it. So, why don’t we start by going down the line with introductions. Rev?”

“Hi, I’m Rev.”

“Jen.”

“I’m Imakuni.”

“I’m Vinny, and this, as we all know, is Swedish Vinny.”

“Actually, he’s just Italian Joel.” Marisa says, matter-of-fact.

“Can I be Texan Vinny yet?” Rev interjects through the sound of the audience laughing.

“Alright, sure, Rev. You can be Texan Vinny, and we’ve also got Limes, Potato, and Fred down at the end here in spirit, who unfortunately couldn’t make it,” Vinny finishes, gesturing to the seat next to Joel occupied by plushies. “So… Who wants to ask the first question?”

* * *

The panel goes smoothly, for the most part. Vinny has to keep forcing his brain to shut the fuck up every time he knocks elbows with Joel in the metal chairs crammed too close together, or brushes against his thigh, and Joel has to do the same. A large amount of the questions are directed to Joel due to the novelty of it being his first appearance on a Vinesauce panel. Questions about Scythelord, the decision to grow his hair back out after shaving it, his trips to Japan, and a few joking meme questions. There’s less stale memes than they had been expecting, and the streamers are all thankful for that.

The next person Vinny calls on had been hit in the face by him with a poorly thrown packet of Gushers earlier.

“So, Joel, we’ve heard Vinny do an impression of you a few times, but can we hear you do a Vinny impression?” Says the fan, with the intonation of someone who has rehearsed the question to themself several times over. The crowd  _ oohs  _ softly and the sound of quiet laughter is heard throughout the room. 

“I don’t know,” Vinny says, only slightly exaggerating his amusement as he leans slightly away from Joel to give him a sly look, “Can we, Joel?” At this egging on from Vinny, Joel sits up a little straighter. Not one to back down from a challenge, he clears his throat and rubs his hands together.

A few seconds pass, and Joel leans close to the mic, speaking in a quiet monotone. “I uh, I dunno what to say,” he mumbles, slurring words together. Various shouts come from the audience, and when Joel hears Vinny sigh in amusement, he chuckles and moves back to the mic. “Okay, okay, I got one.” He clears his throat a second time as Vinny laughs silently next to him. “Hey--” he starts, and then interrupts himself with a gasp. “Hang on, wait, I just had an idea! Vinny!” He turns to face him. “Let me borrow your sweater!” 

Vinny makes a face back at him, but reluctantly starts to remove his cardigan. Someone in the back of the audience wolf whistles, and Vinny’s put-upon grimace as he says a simple ‘stop’ into the mic makes Rev laugh from the other end of the table.

Joel’s arms stretch the fabric of the sleeves as he pulls on the cardigan, and Vinny complains about it, not picked up by the mic, but he trails off once he sees Joel turning around and adjusting the way the cardigan falls over his chest. The audience laughs, and Vinny facepalms in exasperation and definitely not to hide a subtle flush in his cheeks.

“Alright,” Joel says, sitting back down and leaning into the mic. “I still dunno what to say. Vinny can just shout ‘grand dad’ but I can’t think of any stanky may-mays that you say in your normal voice…”

“Just talk about being a hipster!” Calls Mike from the audience. Rev shoots him a look, chuckling, and Mike quiets back down.

“Oh, shit, good idea!”

“Oh, yeah, uh,” Vinny interjects, “For anyone who can’t see up here or didn’t notice, we’ve got JabroniMike and Geepm up here in the front seats.” Scattered cheers and claps come from the audience.

“Quit stalling!” Calls Jen, eliciting a few more laughs.

“Okay, okay!” Joel says hurriedly, “You’re buildin’ it up way too much, it’s not gonna be as funny with all this fuckin’ anticipation leading up to a shitty joke.”

“Well then you better make it not shitty,” Rev points out.

“Oh, my god, shut up, Rev. I’m gonna do it. Okay. uh…” Joel clears his throat one more time. “ _ Hi everyone, I’m Vinny Vinesauce, welcome to my stream. To–”  _ He’s cut off by laughter from the panel, the audience, and himself, but continues on readily. “ _ Today we’re gonna be doing some corruptions of  _ Chrono Trigger, _ which I love almost as much as Pink Floyd. _ ” 

“Ha ha, okay, Joel,” Vinny interrupts as the audience continues to laugh.

“Wait, hold on, I’m not done—  _ Today I ate pasta pizza and three packs of Oreos, but I didn’t share with Mike because he was too busy perfecting his new drag outfit.  _ Okay, I’m done now.”

“I like how you included the subtle dig at Mike,” Vinny says flatly.

“I do what I can,” smiles Joel.

“That really wasn’t as funny as I’d hoped it’d be, to be honest,” says Rev.

“Well la-di-fuckin’-da, Rev. I’d like to see you do any better.”

“Okay, hand over the cardi–”

“That’s enough of that,” Vinny interrupts, trying to get some semblance of control over the panel. “Let’s move on to another question.”

More hands raise in the audience, and Vinny calls on someone toward the back of the room.

“This one’s for Rev— Do you plan on making any more Bees McBees albums?” They ask casually.

Rev looks thoughtful for a moment. “I mean, if inspiration strikes, maybe. That’s not really something I’d thought about.

“You could do some Vaporwave remixes of songs from terrible flash games,” Alex suggests from the front row.

“Oh, shit, that’s actually a great idea!” Rev points at him. “Geepm just said I should make Vaporwave remixes of flash game songs, which is now definitely something I’m going to do. So new answer to your question: Yes, there will be more Bees McBees content.

“Also,” The same fan says, “Why is Joel still wearing Vinny’s sweater?”

Vinny glances over at Joel. Obviously, in the back of his head he knew Joel was still wearing his cardigan, but it hadn’t exactly clicked until they pointed it out. It was pretty tight on Vinny himself, so Joel wearing it was bound to stretch it out if he didn’t take it off soon, but something made Vinny not particularly care. 

Joel leans into the mic, pausing for a moment before talking. “One question per person, bud.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> while posting this chapter i went to the vinesauce site to check something  
> 1\. who the fuck is dorb  
> 2\. dire isnt a streamer anymore huh  
> 3\. who the fuck is dorb  
> 4\. jen changed her handle i guess?  
> 5\. seriously who the fuck is dorb
> 
> edit: dire boar is dorb huh. well thats weird but cool.
> 
> anyway.  
> tumblr: vinnoel  
> dreamwidth: scotticus  
> everything else: doxx me (dont doxx me)


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